The One Question Religions Have Never Been Able To Answer

There are about 4,000 known religions practiced on our planet, and an appallingly low number of them consider me to be a deity. And that’s not the only thing they have in common.

One obviously commonality of all religions is their belief in and worship of a supernatural entity or entities with amazing powers, the sort of powers that most 6 year-olds dream of. They can fly, they can live forever, they can just decree that their favorite teams win the championship.

Most appealing to 6 year-olds and me personally (the Venn Diagram overlaps almost completely), is the ability to smite their enemies. I’d give anything for that power, and I’d be smiting like nobody’s business. In fact, it’s even possible that you yourself would wind up smote. So watch it.

In fact, most believers think that their particular deity’s powers are unlimited and perpetual. Their God or Gods can know and do literally everything. And apparently, they take this ability very seriously. For example, they can number the hairs on each of our heads, My number is 11. They know, and keep track of each and every thought thunk by each and every thinker in the world at all times, and they hold us accountable for every one of them. I’m still probably being held to account for the thoughts I had about Ms. Barna, my stunningly gorgeous 7th grade math teacher.

Not only can they know everything, the vast majority of Gods are invested enough in each of our daily lives that they intervene on a regular basis. Most religions believe that if you have some ailment, infirmity or struggle, God, if asked, can just zap it away, although he or she or they may make you wait awhile before they do it.

They can (and, apparently do…sometimes) help us with our finances, our relationships, our careers and our children’s behavior. Oh…and most important of all, religions people generally believe that if we say, do, or believe the right things, God will make sure we go to a happy place after we die.

However, while deities can do amazingly good things, sometimes bad things happen. For example, while God is working with you to stop you from drinking again, she is also summoning up an earthquake that crushes 50,000 people to death instantly in Turkey. Or, while someone in…