Why Don’t Religious People Hold God Accountable?

I suffer from insomnia. I actually have many conditions, foibles and quirks. But most of them involve the infliction of suffering on others. Insomnia is the one thing I have which actually causes me to suffer.

On average, two-three nights per week I find myself just staring at the ceiling long after my wife Jen has drifted off to sleep quietly murmuring “Why? Why?” over and over again, which I interpret to be her quiet rumination on how she was lucky enough to wind up with me.

Usually, when I’ve tossed and turned long enough, and I’ve grown weary of planning revenge against all of my enemies, I resignedly get up, go downstairs and watch television until I finally doze off, usually about eight minutes before the alarm goes off.

A few days ago, my late night channel-surfing led me to a weird confluence of programming. On one channel I found the muculent, oleaginous television preacher Joel Olsteen, and on another channel I saw the early reports of the horrific earthquake in Turkey in Syria which has, as I write this, claimed over 20,000 human lives.

Olsteen preaches in the arena where the Houston Rockets used to play. He actually sells more tickets than they did, although, to be fair, he probably has a better jump shot than anyone on the 13–42 Rockets.

Each week, tens of thousands of people gather to watch him and his coiffure spend an hour repeating the same message over again; If you’d only believe in God, praise him, and of course, support Olsteen ministries, the good lord will bless you abundantly. As much money as you dream of someday earning, or receiving, which is different, God will give you far more than that. God will cure you of all your illnesses and make your family members sane again. You won’t be able to handle all the blessings God is going to give you, you simply can’t count that high.

Presumably, this promise of heavenly largess applies to every single person in that room. Apparently, there are going to be a ton of very rich people in Houston any day now. It’s enough to make me want to invest in a Tiffany’s franchise there. Although, it did occur to me that many of these thousands of expectant congregants have been going to Joel’s church for many years now, week after week. And week after week, the…